Shattered Hope and Wicked Glances
by Bleeding Sins
Summary: Suffering the death of your partner is one thing. But what if he was also your lover? In hopes of regaining happiness, Cassidy and Jessie start new lives only to have new obstacles stand in their way.


She sits alone by a lamppost   
trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind   
She says Dad's the one I love the most   
but Stipe's not far behind . . . .  
  
  
His wicked grin was the most horrid, words-cannot-explain, things I've seen. I used to smirk, and be filled with wicked glee when I saw that grin. But now. . . it makes me sick. So sick to my stomach. I had to get out of here. I had to leave. Leave my team, leave my life. . . forever. . .  
  
"Don't look at me that way. . ." his voice repeated in my mind. Weak and short, "My life may have been short but. . ." he coughs in between. So sick, so weak. Me, so helpless, "It was complete. . . after all, I got to be with you. . ."  
  
And at that, he kisses my lips softly then his head limply falls to my lap, motionless. Lifeless. I wail, I cry and beg for him to come back. He can't leave me at a time like this. Not when I need him. I'll always need him. He is me and I am him. We belong as one. And one is not a whole without its half. . .  
  
After what seemed like hours, I stop. And I realize there is no point in this. He can't hear me. He doesn't want to hear me. He just, doesn't love me anymore. You can't love when your dead. Your heart is melted away, your brain has faded, your life gone, your soul has disappeared.   
  
"Its all your fault he's dead anyways!" I hear The Boss snicker behind my back, he has that grin. That grin I used to love. The grin that meant another job well done, "Run! Run like the little murderer you are! Killers don't show their faces!"  
  
"Why are you doing this to me!" I cry. I can't help crying. I never cry. But now, my protector, my partner, my lover, my life, he's dead. Gone. I can't do anything else. So, I cry. And cry. I humiliate myself infront of The Boss. It doesn't matter. He's a heartless jerk anyways. No wonder he isn't married. . .  
  
So there I was. Alone. No where to go. No friends. No family. No life. I had lost everything. Or had everything lost me? My partner wouldn't want to see me this way. But I can't help it. Theres nothing I can do to let him know I'll be okay. I will survive. I will survive for him.  
  
And I will. I will beat this. . .  
  
  
She lets me in   
only tell me where's she's been   
when she's had too much to drink   
I say that I don't care I just run my hands   
through her dark hair and I pray to God   
you gotta help me fly away. . .  
  
  
"He left me! He left me!" Jessie screams angryly, shoving a lamp off a small dresser. I watch it fall to the hard wooden floor. Watch it shatter into a million pieces. Fragile. So fragile. Like me. . .How is it? Why is it? Our lives compare to lifeless things. We have something it doesn't. Or maybe. . . just maybe. . . we are similiar.  
  
"I understand your's dying!" Jessie cried, falling to the floor hugging her knees, "But mine, he just ran! He wouldn't face me! He wouldn't tell me why he left! What is wrong with him?! That stupid bastard! I hope he burns in hell!"  
  
I gasp at her harsh words. Funny. I usually laughed at Jessie's anger. Why should this shock me? I slowly kneel down beside Jessie, placing my hands on her shoulders. "Jessie. . . please. . ." I choke, forgetting my comforting words. Why am I comforting her anyways?  
  
She gasps and looks at me. Thinking the same thing. She's silent. A creepy kind've silent as she gazes into my eyes. . . and I gaze back. . . Suddenly, years of fighting, torture and endless arguments just vanish. And that scene of us as kids, playing in the snow. . . comes back. . . just like it was only yesterday. . .  
  
It sounds like some corny soap opera. But if you lived what I was at that time, you wouldn't laugh. You wouldn't fall over spitting out your drink and die right there. Just because it sounds so damn hilarious.  
  
Jessie tries to stutter my name but can't seem to think straight. "How can you be so strong?" she questions, "Your partner is gone. He'll never come back. Ever!"  
  
The words sting. I look away from Jessie and sigh deeply, "I know. . ." I whisper as my voice cracks, I cover my mouth as tears fall freely down my stained cheeks. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying.  
  
"I. . .I'm sorry. . .I didn't mean to. . " Jessie opens her arms and pulls me to her. I start to cry harder as I feel her hug me tighter. Her tears return also.  
  
I don't understand why I'm letting her do this. Why I'm letting her touch me. Maybe. . .Just maybe its because we have so much in common. We're both alone. . . very alone. . .  
  
"Shit Cassidy. . ." Jessie finally speaks after a few moments, "Lets get far away from here. From away from that old Italian asshole and his damned Persian. Far away from that jerkoff partner of mine and far away from the Viridian cementary. It'll do us both good."  
  
I sigh dreamily and pull closer to Jessie. I nod and decide it is for the better.  
  
  
And just…   
Let her cry…if the tears fall down like rain   
Let her sing…if it eases all her pain   
Let her go…let her walk right out on me   
And if the sun comes up tomorrow   
Let her be…let her be. . . .  
  
  
Jessie litterally dropped her suitcase as we un-locked the door to our new apartment. "Our apartment" That sounds wierd. I thought I'd never live to see the day that I, would share an apartment with Jessie. Jessie of all people!  
  
Jessie sniffed the air dreamily and turned to me, "Today is our first day as Madison and Tori Mirall." she winked, "The Mirall sisters!"  
  
I laughed nervously. It was odd. I was the younger sister yet, I was older than Jessie?! I think she was right about one thing. Moving far away from The Boss would make her happy. And, yes, she seemed happy to me. Too happy.  
  
"Jessie, don't you think we should start thinking about how we should pay the rent?" I asked her, feeling a bit worried, "Maybe we should start looking for jobs."  
  
"Hmm?" Jessie rose a brow, sounding annoyed, "Pay? Rent? Hah! We're ex-Rockets. We steal, remember? I don't want another job for awhile. Maybe never."  
  
"Key word Jessie: Ex-Rockets!" I scolded, feeling some growing anger, like our short friendship had ended again, "Your going to have to get a job! You won't be sitting on your lazy butt all day getting fat while I go working my ass off night and day!"  
  
Jessie crossed her arms and sighed, "Theres no way I'd ruin this perfect figure." she grinned, "Besides, I thought you had more important things on your mind?"  
  
I gasp and cover my mouth to hide it. But I couldn't hide my shock from Jessie. She was enjoying this. Enjoying the fact that I had forgotten my partner for a few moments.  
  
Jessie laughed loudly, "Its settled then!" she picked up her suitcase, "I'll go choose my room now. Happy un-packing!" she winked and waved a peace sign. She skips down the hall and enters a bedroom. I just watch. Wondering if Jessie will leave me the horrid shabby room.  
  
  
This morning I woke up alone   
found a note by the phone   
saying maybe I'll be back some day   
I wanted to look for you   
You walked in I didn't know just what to do   
so I sat back down had a beer and felt sorry for myself.   
  
It had been two months since Jessie and I moved into our own apartment. The rooms we had were equal in size, so Jessie hadn't cheated me. Sometimes, I fall asleep to the sound of her tears. I never wonder why Jessie cries at night. Its none of my business. I seem to cry to sleep myself.  
  
We flipped a coin. I won. Tails. We both had to look for jobs. I was not going to work in a fast-food restaraunt or a pizza delivery girl or a sacker of some grocery store! I signed applications at the Pokemon Center, Pokemon Institute, and any other kind've proffesional job. I didn't want to run into any Rockets.  
  
Jessie didn't care. She got a job the first day we went searching. Sonic. She said she's always dreamed of rolling blading with food in a tray resting on her palm. I called her crazy. She just smirked and said, "Atleast I have a job! I won't put up with you sitting on your lazy ass all day."  
  
A few weeks later, I had finally found one. And it was high paying, unlike Jessie's. We could barely keep up with the rent with her job. I became a secretary in some office building for some fat-pervert boss who only hired me if I showed a bit of cleavage in my business suit. I shrugged. Atleast I'm getting thirteen dollars an hour.  
  
Tonight, as I was getting dressed, I looked out the window at the apartment building across from mine. Some guy was starring at me through his window. He seemed about my age, black bandana around his hair, so I couldn't tell the color. I think he had dark eyes. I couldn't tell through the specatcles he was wearing.  
  
I flipped him off and shut the curtains. Frucking pervert! I sigh and lay down on my bed. I stare at the ceiling. And for some odd reason, I think of that guy starring at me through his window. He had sent me some vibes that seemed so familiar. It was so warm yet it was so far. . .  
  
My concentration was interrupted though by Jessie slamming my door open. "Why didn't you tell me?!" she screamed. Tears were staining her face with the help of her dark mascara.  
  
Oh great. She was drunk. "Tell you what?" I asked innocently, getting up from the bed, ready to defend myself. Jessie rarely got drunk, but when she did, she was deadly.  
  
"That he worked at your office!" she screamed at me, staying at the doorway.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Mondo!"  
  
"What?!" I gasped, holding my hand to my chest, "I've never seen him there. Jessie, you must be mistaken. I haven't seen any Rocket there."  
  
"Thats because he's in a disguise! I know a Rocket when I see one."  
  
I can't help but giggle.  
  
"Are you laughing at me?!"  
  
"Yes, I am." I answer bravely. I approach Jessie and grab her wrist, "Come on, Jessie. Just get some sleep and you'll feel much better."  
  
She tried to pull away from me, but gave up soon after. I led her to her room and she plopped down on her bed, falling asleep quickly. I laugh silently then head back to my room. I open the curtains back up. That guy was still at the window, chatting on the phone. I sigh angryly and shut the curtains.  
  
As I lay back down I can't get my mind off of that guy. I don't know why. I don't even know the guy! Only that he's a pervert! I sigh and slowly close my eyes. I'll have to fall asleep sometime. . .  
  
And just…   
Let her cry…if the tears fall down like rain   
Let her sing…if it eases all her pain   
Let her go…let her walk right out on me   
And if the sun comes up tomorrow   
Let her be…let her be.   
  
  
Its almost Christmas. Six months since we moved into this apartment and I still feel miserable. I still never saw Mondo at the office. I finally confronted Jessie about it. She gave me this confused look then laughed. Yep, she was drunk that night. Seeing things.  
  
It was three days till Christmas. The malls were packed and I still haven't gotten Jessie anything. There were so many people in one place. I couldn't think straight. I felt like screaming. Theres just no way, I can do things alone anymore.   
  
Finally, I just grabbed something, paid for it and fled back home. As I entered, Jessie was cheering and jumping around with joy. I watch her for a few moments until she notices me.  
  
"Guess what?!" she squealed.  
  
"What?" I whisper.  
  
"James called!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"James! My partner, silly."  
  
"Oh. . . what did he say?" I wonder.  
  
"He's coming over for Christmas!"  
  
"How did he find us?"  
  
"Fate. It was fate I tell you!"  
  
I sigh and walk into my room. Great. Just great! That jerk that ran out of Jessie's life is returning and she's letting him! Without a question about her. Jessie has changed. We've all changed. Its just wierd.  
  
Speaking of wierd, here I am looking out the window. That same guy from the other apartments stare back. How long has he been doing this? Gawd, its freaky! We just sit there, staring. Me, hoping he will give up soon. But he doesn't. I shake my head and go to sleep, not letting him bother me.  
  
~*~  
  
I wake up on Christmas Eve morning to the sound of giggling coming from the living room. I yawn and sit up. I know whats going on in there and I'm not too sure if I want to leave this room. Until. . .  
  
"Cassidy!" Jessie screams down the hall, "Get up! We have a visitor! Get off your lazy ass now!" I hear her laugh somemore.  
  
I groan and get out of my bed. I brush my hair and hide my tired face with a bit of make-up. I wrap and black silk robe around my body. I take the collars in my hand's and smell the material. I haven't worn this robe since I was last with him. It still smelt like my partner. A mixture of cigarette smoke and Polo. His favorite cologne. Gawd, I loved that smell. . .  
  
I slowly open my door, delaying my reuinion with Jessie's partner. I really didn't want to do this. Why was she making me? She could atleast go out some place with him and leave me in peace. But, I don't have a choice. I walk down the hall and peek in the living room.  
  
I wanted to gag. That sick disgrace had Jessie sitting on his lap while she was giving butterfly kisses to every inch of his face. I sigh, shake my head and hide behind the wall. Now I really didn't want to go in there. I'd just stay here till I knew he was gone.  
  
I heard Jessie jump to the floor. "Cassidy!" she shouted, "Get up! Lazy bum! How long does it take you! Geez Louise!. . ."  
  
"I'm up!" I shout back, coming from my hiding place behind the wall, "You get me up at nine o'clock on a Saturday! What is it?"  
  
Jessie smirks, "Where did you get that money maker?" she asked, pointing at my robe.  
  
"I've had it forever." I snap.  
  
Jessie shrugged, "James is here. A day early, I know." she moves out of the way, pointing to her old partner. He was sitting in a chair, wearing totally black and sunglasses pulled back his hair like a headband. His black trenchcoat made him look much tougher than he was made out to be.  
  
I stare at him a bit breathless. I can almost see a resemblence in. . . No! No! Don't even think that! I would never compare this filth to. . .  
  
"Cassidy." James says cooly, "Its been a long time. How have you been?" he gets up from his chair, crossing his arms. He has a smirk on his face.  
  
"A little too long, James." I whisper. What can I say to him? I don't want him here! If I had total control I would kick him out! But, I nod and keep talking, "I've been doing fine. I've survived haven't I? How are you?"  
  
James returned the nod, "Couldn't be better."  
  
Lucky bastard. I think to myself. I nod again, "Thats good to hear. . ."  
  
Theres a long, dramatic, deadly silence. Me and James just seem to be starring eachother down. If only my partner had called me and overjoyed me by saying he was coming over for Christmas, this wouldn't be happening! Why couldn't he come? Why couldn't heaven or hell, wherever he may be, give him the day off? That is what I want for Christmas. I want him. Nothing else! Why can't James vanish and be replaced by my only love? Why?. . .  
  
"Well!" Jessie interrupted silence nervously. She clasped her hands together, "James are you hungry? I'll be happy to make something! It won't be any trouble."  
  
James shrugged, "Has your cooking improved?"  
  
"I've learned to use the microwave." she laughs.  
  
James joins in the laughter and the two walk off, into the kitchen. Leaving me there. Leaving me alone. Like last time. Alone. . .  
  
Last nite I tried to leave   
She cried so much I just   
could not believe   
she was the same girl I   
fell in love with long ago   
She went in the back to   
get high   
I sat down on my couch   
and cried   
yelling oh mama please   
help me   
won't you hold my hand. . .  
  
Those two. Drunk on eggnog. On Christmas Eve night. Those two, laughing up a storm. I sigh and dismiss myself of course. I enter my room and slam the door, still hearing them laugh. I start to think about the guy across apartments. Is he waiting for me?  
  
A giggle escapes my lips as I approach the curtains, opening them. Yep, there he is. Starring at me. In a Santa Clause hat instead of the black bandana. He also has a mistletoe above him, hanging on the window seal. I giggle again and blow him a kiss.  
  
He smiles for the first time and slowly nods his head. I shake my head then close up the curtains. Christmas is tomarrow. I had to get some sleep.  
  
Thats when things get worse. I lay down and get comfortable. All is silent except for the giggling in the living room. The giggling slowly turns to moaning as the couch starts hitting against the wall roughly. I shutter and I cringe as I put my pillow over my head, blocking out the disgraceful moanings and pants.  
  
Gawd, I knew it. I knew Jessie, the whore she is, would have sex with James. I saw it coming but refused to believe it. Damn slut. Did she think I'd be asleep? That our "glorious" and "rich" apartment had thick walls that could shut out anything?! I hate her. Oh, how much I hate her.  
  
  
~*~  
  
Jessie is out on Christmas morning. Neither James nor I know where she went off to. I could care less. James is sitting at the kitchen table, in a robe, reading the newspaper. Frucking bastard, thinking this is his home! I ought to kick him out!  
  
Here I am, cooking him breakfast! Letting him read my newspaper! Letting him in my apartment! All for the sake of making Jessie happy. He sure made her happy alright. . .  
  
"Have you been holding off well?" James asked, still reading the newspaper.  
  
That pig. Who does he think he is? "Fine. . ." I mutter through gritted teeth.  
  
He catches this and sets the newspaper down, "Whats wrong?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You don't want me here do you?"  
  
"Give the man a silver dollar." I mutter.  
  
"Just say it. I understand if you don't want me here, in you and Jessie's apartment." he explained, getting up from his chair.  
  
I keep my back to him, stirring the pancake mix, "What makes you think that?" I ask as nicely as I can, "Its Christmas, James."  
  
"That it is." he replies. I feel his body warmth and his breathing in my ear. I gasp as I feel his wet lips kiss my ear tenderly and his arm wrap around my waist. I turn around quickly and smack his hand away. "What are you doing?!" I hiss.  
  
He laughs and crosses his arms, "Your under the mistletoe." he points to the ceiling and I look up. So I am. I shrug and turn back around, stirring the mix.  
  
But James wasn't near done. I still could feel him close to me. I shiver as I feel his hand play with my hair, his fingers lightly brushing my almost bare back. I was wearing a spaghetti strapped nightgown. I know I should make him stop. Scream atleast. He was officially cheating Jessie. And doing it on this day of all days! But I can't move. His body close to mine reminded me of a scene so familiar. . .  
  
Suddenly, his body pushes close to mine, his hand's on each side of my waist. I shake and feel his hardness and excitement through his thin robe to my mid-waist. A thrill of lust runs through my body as my face heats up with anger and humiliation.  
  
"James, please. . ." I whisper, trying to push him away.  
  
"Ssh. . ." he whispers soothingly in my ear, "Don't talk, Cassidy. . ." he purrs so softly. "Just let the mood takes its place."  
  
I cringe and move away from him, "I can't. . ." I whisper back, feeling ashamed. And I haven't even done anything! "Jessie will kill me. . ."  
  
"Jessie won't be back for hours. And what she doesn't know won't kill her." Kill! I hated that word. . . But James so near to me. I felt so warm. I felt so filled. Like he was back again. . . Oh gawd, I'm beginning to forget his name. I can't think. I can't think when James is doing this to me.  
  
He gently turns me around and cups my cheek, starring into my lavender eyes. I stare back into his emerald ones. The color of his eyes soon fades as I close mine and feel his lips, hot, pressed against mine. I moan deep in my throat, knowing I shouldn't do this. But, I can't help it. . .  
  
James suddenly brushes his hand behind my knee and picks me up. I broke the kiss and gazed at him till we were in Jessie's room. Closest to the kitchen. He lays me on the bed and watch him, breathless, as he gently glides over me and kisses my neck softly. I giggle, like Jessie did the night before.  
  
James smirks and starts moving down, biting my skin softly. He kisses my shoulder's, my neck, behind my ear, my face, my chest. He pulls the straps down from my shoulder's and pulls my night shirt completely off. I gasp at the cold winter air but he kisses my breasts, giving each one equal attention while I'm filled with ecstacy.  
  
He kissed the valley between my breasts then moves down my stomach, leaving a wet trail down my flat tummy. He grabs the waist of my sweats I slept in. And slowly pull them down, inch by inch. I wriggle out of them and I'm only left in my underwear. He gently grips the waist of those and slowly pulls down.  
  
I lay back and close my eyes. My mouth opens and instead of whispering something sweet. I whisper the wrong name! "Butch. . ." I whisper silently. I gasp and cover my mouth, hoping James didn't hear. Luckily, he didn't.  
  
I sit up and cover myself with the silk bedsheets. I can't do this with Jessie's partner in Jessie's bed! "James! Stop!" I command, "We can't do this!"  
  
James shot me a puzzled look.  
  
"Don't you feel guilty?"  
  
"Me? Your the one who led me on!"  
  
I cover my mouth, "You bastard!" I scream, giving him one good slap across the face, "Get out of my apartment! Now!"  
  
James laughed and shrugged, "Suit yourself. Merry Christmas, Cassidy."  
  
I watched him rejectingly leave Jessie's room. I sat there, on the bed for a few moments until I heard the front door open then slam shut. I sighed and laid back feeling so incredibly guilty. How will I tell Jessie? How is she going to take the news?  
  
I got my clothes back on and headed back to the kitchen. The apartment was so empty now. So quiet. So deadly silent. This had been the worst Christmas ever.  
  
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful •   
Stop me and steal my breath •   
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards   
the sky • Never revealing their depth. . .  
  
I still remember it like it was yesterday. Jessie was so down. She felt so miserable ever since James left. Everytime she'd ask me about it, I'd shrug and tell her the same excuse over that I made up.  
  
"He just told me he'd be out for a few minutes. . ."  
  
She wasn't buying it. I knew she wasn't buying it. Jessie would just roll her eyes, shake her head, tisk, then plop down in a chair. I'd watch her. Sometimes she'd cry. Sometimes she'd just sit there. And sometimes she'd just watch me back. Hoping maybe, I'd know something else.  
  
Then it happened. . .  
  
"I'm going to the store!" Jessie called from the front door, putting a glove on her hand.  
  
"Alright!" I call back from the bathroom. I wait to hear the door close. Thats when I fall to my knees and began bawling over the toilet bowl. I just cried and cried. I knew I couldn't hide this from Jessie any longer. I'd tell her when she came back.  
  
"Cassidy whats wrong?" the concerned voice startled me. I gasped and sat up. Jessie stood in the doorway waiting for an answer.  
  
"I. . .I thought you went out. . ." I stutter.  
  
"I lost one of my gloves and went back to get a new pair." she answered, "Now why are you crying? What happened?"  
  
"James. . . is. . ." I gasp between words, wiping a tear away. That caught Jessie's full attention. She quickly approached me and knelt down beside my limp body. I cringed and backed away.  
  
"What about James?" she asks.  
  
"He left because I kicked him out." I blurt out.  
  
"Why?. . . Why did you do that?" she whispered.  
  
"Because he was cheating on you!" I almost scream, the tears stopping but my face remained red by the tear's stains.  
  
Jessie laughed silently, "How would you know that?"  
  
"Its not funny Jessie!"  
  
"I didn't mean for it to be. Its just, the only way you could know is if. . ." her voice faded as she looked straight into my eyes, "Cassidy, don't tell me."  
  
I shook my head and got up. Jessie did the same, "I'm sorry, Jessie." I whisper, not looking at her, "I tried to stop him and tell him it was wrong. But I felt so weak, I thought. . ."  
  
"You thought that since he'd changed so much he was just like Butch, huh?!" Jessie asked me harshly, "Well, reality check Cassi, he's not! Butch is dead and your going to have to live with it!"  
  
"I am doing perfectly fine without Butch!" I scream back, "I told you this wasn't my fault! If you didn't let that filth into our apartment it wouldn't have happened!"  
  
"If you wouldn't have been such a slut!" she shouted, "It would have never happened! I know James wouldn't do this to me! Your just jealous cause I actually have someone that loves me and cares for me!"  
  
Suddenly, I laugh. Its that wicked laugh I used to always do after another completed mission with my partner. I throw my head back and laugh harder. Jessie has that shocked look on her face. "Well, well!" I finally stop, my voice is actually returing to it's old wicked self. "You poor unfortunate soul!" I laugh shortly again, "You have no idea about what that man has done to you!"  
  
"What do you mean?!" Jessie hisses.  
  
"You go around all day mourning about him saying how much a wonderful man James was. And you don't even know what he does when your not around. Christmas morning, Jess, when you were out. James took me in his arms and carried me to your bed! I fooled around with him a little bit then stopped him before he could go too far." I explain, arms crossed.  
  
Jessie's mouth is gaped open. Tears began to stream her eyes, "You two made love in my bed?" she whispered.  
  
"Almost." I shrug.  
  
"You little bitch you!" she screams slapping me once, hard, across the face. I gasp and back away, putting my hand to my cheek. I look up at Jessie, tears are falling more freely down her face.  
  
"If thats the way you want it, Cassidy." Jessie speaks, weakly, "Find James's cellphone number you probably have hidden somewhere. Tell him Jessie has left and you two can spend the rest of yall's life together! Tell me, did he start smoking and dye his hair green for you, too?!"  
  
"Aren't we funny." I whisper sarcastically, "For your information, I kicked him out of the house for you. So he couldn't hurt you anymore!"  
  
"Whatever!" Jessie snaps. "You can just start fending for yourself. I'm packing my bags and leaving."  
  
"Fine! Just leave!"  
  
"I can't wait to go!" she shouts back, stomping out of the bathroom.  
  
  
Tell me that we belong together   
Dress it up with the trappings of love •   
I'll be captivated,   
I'll hang from your lips • Instead of the   
gallows of heartache that   
hang from above   
  
  
I can't believe I'd be so lonely without Jessie. The day she moved happened to be the worst. She didn't look at me or anything. Just grabbed her bags and left. I had suddenly lost all my strength and wickedness. I fell to the floor and wept. I wept for days and days. I was alone, again. . .  
  
I'll be your cryin' shoulder •   
I'll be love suicide   
• I'll be better when I'm older •  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life. . .  
  
After a few days of no food, no shower, I get up from the middle of the floor in the living room. I pull out some leftovers, eat a bit, then head for the tub. After I'm done with that, I head to my room. Which had been empty for days and days. . .  
  
I look out the window. Maybe the guy across apartments would give me hope. I sigh sadly as I notice, for the first time, he isn't there. The apartment is empty. Just like my life. . .  
  
  
Rain falls angry on the tin roof •   
As we lie awake in my bed •   
You're my survival, you're my living proof •   
My love is alive and not dead. . .  
  
Two more days of just laying in my bed. No food. No nothing. I just think. Think. Think. And think. Then suddenly, it hits me! I. . . need. . . a. . . vacation!  
  
I jump out of my bed, "Thats it! A vacation! But. . . money?" I think for a few more moments, "Hunting! I don't need any money for hunting! But. . . thats a guy's sport!" I sigh and think somemore, "Who cares?! Just go out and get my gun!"  
  
So, there I was, entering some gun and tackle shop. Theres barely any women in here. I shrug and check out all the guns. How am I suppose to know which one I need?  
  
"Can I help you?" a very familiar voice asks me.  
  
I gasp and quickly turn around. That voice sounded so much like. . . But it wasn't. But this guy did look familiar! Black bandana, small spectacles, dark eyes. . . It was the guy across apartments! He waits patiently for me to answer. This was too wierd. This guy looks so much like him. And his voice. No louder than a whisper but still a bit raspy. His hair was a bit longer though. Pulled back behind him, I noticed a bit of a teal color.  
  
"This might sound odd. . ." I finally speak. I study him a bit more. He still waits, "But, have we met?" I began to feel like an idiot. . .  
  
  
But he laughed, "Silver Side Apartments?"  
  
"Yes." I nod.  
  
He extends his hand out to me, "My name is Adam Fostier, your stalker." he laughs again, "Just kidding." I also laugh and shake his hand.  
  
"Uhm, I've never been hunting before but . .well, actually I have with my late partner. But he did all the work." I explain, smiling weakly.  
  
"Well, I could give you a few tips." he offered.  
  
I stared into his dark eyes. I couldn't help it. "You could come with me." I whisper.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
I gasp and shake my head, "I'm sorry! I. . ."  
  
"I'll pick you up tomarrow night. Seven o'clock. Better be packed." he waves then walks into the employees only room. I watch him disappeared. Happy yet speechless. . .  
  
Tell me that we belong together •   
Dress it up in the trappings of love •   
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips • I  
nstead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above   
  
"Lets set camp here." Adam tells me. I stop and look at him. He was standing on a clearing right beside a peaceful river. I nod and help him with the tents and such.  
  
Later that night, he explains stuff to me about hunting. But I really didn't care about that.  
  
"Why did you always stare at me through your window?" I ask.  
  
He pauses and shoots me a worried glance, "I didn't mean to." he answers. "You reminded me of. . . Oh nevermind." he shrugs, "Its too corny."  
  
"No! Tell me!" I plead.  
  
"No, thats okay."  
  
"No! I want to know."  
  
"Well. . ." he sighs, "Alright. You just reminded me of this beautiful fawn I saw in the forest one day. I couldn't let you get away. So, I watched you. Silently. I didn't mean any harm."  
  
"Wow. . ." I whisper, "Thats so. . . interesting. . ."  
  
He laughs, "Well anyways, we have to get some shut eye. Be up early tomarrow." he explains turning out the electrical lamp light, "Good night."  
  
"Good night." I whisper, laying down in my sleeping bag.  
  
A few hours later. . .  
  
I open my eyes, rather startled. I feel a warm body on-top of mine and a hand clamped over my mouth. I tried to struggle and move away, but someone has me in a tight lock.  
  
"Ssh! Cassi! Its me!" I hear Adam whisper. He removes his hand.  
  
"Adam! What are you doing?"  
  
"I love you, Cassi." he answers, briefly.  
  
"What?! You hardly even know me!"  
  
"I know everything about you." he replies.  
  
"What are you talking about?!" I demand.  
  
"Its me, Cassi." he whispers, weakly, "I can't keep it from you any longer. . ."  
  
"Who?" I ask, dumbfounded.  
  
"May twenty-first. Murder on Eighth Street with nine mm gun." he explains. I gasp. Could it be?. . .  
  
"How. . . How did you?. . ."  
  
"I told you. . ." he moves his face closer to mine, "Eight years ago you were assigned to your very first partner in Team Rocket. Yall were completely successful. Soon becoming The Boss's favorite. About six years into the partnership, two crazy teens began to experiment with romance and soon made love, in the sand, infront of Silver Beach."  
  
I gasp. Tears began to fall from my eyes, "Butch?. . ." I whisper.  
  
"Cassidy. . ." he whispers back, kissing my lips urgently. I return the kiss but soon break it.  
  
"Why did you leave me?!" I ask.  
  
"Our hateful boss. He found out about the relationship. I was told to fake a death or he'll kill you. After you ran away from Team Rocket, I began to search for you." he explained.  
  
"It doesn't seem real. . ."  
  
"It is." he leans down and kisses me again. I return the kiss, letting him go farther. I didn't care if I was dreaming or not. Butch was back. And I realized, James was still nothing like him. No one will ever be like him. I was whole again. . .  
  
I've dropped   
out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead •   
Tuned in, turned   
on, remembered the thing you said  
  
  
*songs played throughout the story: Let her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish. I'll Be by Edwine McCain 


End file.
